My Month on Tinder

I've talked before about my difficulties in meeting new people. While I frequently have brief and interesting interactions with folks (see my previous post), meaningful connections remain elusive.

Since last fall, I've been more proactive about seeking various groups and activities, but nothing quite fit. This past winter, I had the added challenges of my travel restrictions and chronic vertigo. The lack of social opportunities wasn't much of a concern when the weather was frigid. But as the weather and my health improved, I started to become antsy.

The last week in March, I was in St. Louis catching up with my friend Gaby and told her a little about my plight. "You should go on Tinder!" she enthusiastically encouraged. Tired of my usual over-thinking, I agreed without too much persuasion on her part. We spent the next several minutes creating a profile, which was honestly a lot of fun. I kept the "About Me" simple and straightforward, but Gaby talked me into a sassier primary photo than I would have chosen for myself. "Your adventure pictures are super cute, but you should really show some cleavage!"

We settled on this picture, but cropped it to remove my rather profound panty lines.
The fabulous Nicole was also cropped out, but just enough her was left
to show that I am "social and have friends". Strategy!

Since suggestions are made based your current location, I waited until I was back in Columbia before I started swiping. Even with a policy of when-in-doubt-swipe-right, the number of shirtless pics made it easy to eliminate a lot of guys right off the bat. I still got plenty of matches though. I narrowed them down even further by ignoring anybody who's opening line was "Hey sexy" or "What are you up to tonight?" One guy began, "Why are you addicted to Tinder?" I give him points for creativity but, ew, no.

After surviving the guy who riddled me with questions, answered almost none, then unmatched me, I went on a handful of dates. The first was the Moroccan. We got coffee and went on a walk. At the tail end of his PhD program, he was interesting to talk with. However, he had a persistent eagerness I found off-putting. For example, after talking about all my food peculiarities, he asked, "Can you eat french fries? Let's get some french fries. There's a good place around the corner." I declined because I truthfully was not hungry. Besides, I'd already told him that I needed to be home shortly.

But he would not let it go, and kept trying to get me to stop for fries. It was to the point that he opened the door of the restaurant as we walked past.

I got home without issues, but his pushiness crept up several times over the coming days. He would randomly send me a message asking if I could hang out Right Now. Never mind that it was after 8 pm. Never mind that I said I was in for the night.

Sorry dude, my no's are not up for that degree of negotiation.

Despite the annoyance, the Moroccan will forever hold one special spot in my memory. As we strolled, he complimented me on being a good walker and told me that I would make and excellent goat herd in the Atlas Mountains. This is where his family is from, and he elaborated on the reasons for my fitness a great length. So hilariously awkward!

Setting for my notable walk

My second date was a lot less awkward but no less unusual. I call him the Astro-Chef because he really likes space and works as a chef. He'd had a really rough time for the past several years and was just starting to step back into the world. We ended up having a long, intense conversation that lasted about five hours and that was it. I haven't seen him since. It's a bit of a bummer, but even at the time I suspected this would be the only time we'd meet. When I was having a super crummy time a few years back, I had several interactions that played key parts in helping me move forward. I'm hoping that our conversation was like that for him.

I'm also hoping we can be friends sometime in the future, if only because he has a supremely awesome dog. He's a Burmese mountain/blue heeler mix, a parvo survivor, and an absolute delight!

Among other topics, the Astro-Chef and I talked quite awhile about black holes.
Anticipating the upcoming release of the photo, we speculated on what it might look like.

There's not much to say about my third date. The most interesting thing about it is that brunch is that it led to a conversation with one of my friends about whether or not guys should always pay on the first date. (For the record, I say no. However, it is nice when the fellow makes some sort of you-are-special gesture and paying is one of the simplest ways to do so).

It was around this time that I was messaged by the only guy who truly creeped me out. He wasn't one of my top choices to begin with and his initial messages, while completely appropriate, struck me as a little smarmy. Then he revealed that he's a married father of two. Married men looking for some side candy is to be expected on these apps, but this guy, an HR director, had a slimy sophisticatedness in his approach that makes me cringe. Once that knowledge was dropped, the reasons for my uneasiness became apparent and I could more clearly see the subtle manipulations in his profile and messages. His response to me peacing out says it all (see below).

It's worth noting that the married HR Director was on Tinder
during working hours. Unmatch.

The fourth guy I dated was the most promising. We met for the first time to go running, and ended up hanging out every few days after that. He has a friendly directness that makes for great conversation and I enjoyed our time together. He was super busy working full time and wrapping up the final days of his degree program, but he was still able to find time for me

After five or six dates, we were watching TV at his place, when he paused the show and said, "We need to have a conversation." Long story short, in his direct, gracious, and caring style, he told me that while he really likes me and wants to keep hanging out, he has a girlfriend who lives in Orlando.

In all honestly, I didn't expect things to last long with him because, let's face it, I don't want to stay in Columbia. However, I wasn't prepared for this and I'm still feeling salty.

So, in light of this unwelcome turn and the fact that I get my driving privileges back later this week, I'm taking a break from Tinder and dating in general. I'll likely give the app another try once I can better articulate what I am looking for. One thing I know for sure is I won't have the pink sundress picture as my primary photo. I'll set it further down the stack to be seen only by those who actually look at my profile.

This gem, created by my friend's eldest daughter,
is under consideration for my next primary pic.