Mediating Meltdowns

You know all those stories that have been going around lately of white women having racial-charged meltdowns? I witnessed one yesterday.

It wasn't as dramatic as the videos that get posted online, but it was a meltdown nonetheless.

It was at the post office. I was waiting my turn at the self-service computer, lost in thought (as usual), when a woman in her 50's came in the front door and testily called out to a man who'd entered shortly before her. Based on his appearance and accent, I presume he's originally from an African country.

"Sir! Sir! It was incredibly rude of you to cut the line in the parking lot. Other people were waiting, but you showed no regard for that and just took a spot."

The man was baffled by her accusation and asked what she was talking about. Long story short, she'd been idling off to the side, and it wasn't apparent to the man that she was waiting for a spot. He did not intentionally take her spot.

The lady, however, was not satisfied with his response. As they went back and forth, she kept getting angrier and angrier. He too became angry and defensive. She was only dropping off a package, and while she was yelling, she slammed her package into the slot and looked as if to leave. But she couldn't let it go and continued yelling at him.

While this was happening, most of the bystanders - myself included - were looking away and hoping it would end soon. This was until she yelled, "In this country, we know how to be courteous!" 

Although no one spoke, it was like the whole room said, "Oh no you didn't!" I know I turned towards her and said, "Really?!" I'm not sure if I said it out loud, though.

The man was obviously shook and continued to defend himself. A young woman who came in later spoke up, saying she'd seen what happened in the parking lot and that it really wasn't clear she was waiting. The lady picked up on the shift in the room an finally left. Upon her leaving, several people spoke to the man, assuring him that it wasn't his fault.

Since then, I've been thinking a lot about how to better help in these situations. 

This is far from the first time I've seen someone get utterly lost in their emotions and closed off to rational thought. However, that has primarily been with my middle school students. In those cases, my relationship with the kids and authority as a teacher made intervening relatively easy. It didn't always work, but there were ways and means to get upset students out of the situation and give them space to come back into themselves.

In this instance, I wasn't sure what to do. A couple of times, I thought of telling her that mistakes happen and she just needs to go. However, I hesitated. Partly because I kept thinking she was about to leave on her own. The bigger reason is I thought my words would make the situation worse. She was lost to rationality and I feared adding fuel to her rage.

I told this story to one friend who said next time I need to step up and "put that racist bitch in her place." I agree with him that I need to step up. I want to step up. But I'm not sure about putting that lady in her place. I mean, that's what she was wanting to do. Why would I want to follow her lead? Arguing with someone in the midst of an emotional rant rarely goes well, and does little to change minds.

What are your thoughts? How do we step up when people are being ugly without becoming ugly ourselves? 

I'm thinking, for me at least, the answer lies in being mindful and present in the moment. Rather than disengaging when things get uncomfortable, become attentive. Listen. If I've learned anything over the past year, it's that answers come when you need them.

via GIPHY