Scott

As November began, I was in northwest Nebraska. It was my sister-in-law's birthday and Daylight Savings Time was ending. I intended to make full use of my extra hour exploring the western part of the state before turning towards Wyoming for a couple days of mountains. The sun was shining and the air was brisk. It was a good day.

Stopping in at the local Wal-Mart to take advantage of their free WiFi, I was pleased to see I had several messages. I was doubly pleased to see that some were from friends I hadn't heard from in a long time.

Then I read them.

Scott, an old friend, a friend from college, had died. Funeral in St. Louis. Details pending.

Initially I was numb. Other than the odd Facebook message, I hadn't spoken with Scott in at least 15 years. At the same time, he and his wife Megan are among the most important people in my life. They are timeless friends, the kind you know are there regardless of distance.

I left Wal-Mart in a fog, wanting to hike in the nearby national forest & prairie. In my distraction, I got my car hung up on a rut in the dirt road and couldn't drive out on my own. As luck would have it, some locals were nearby shooting old jack-o-lanterns with shot guns. One man had his large, fire department issued pickup truck and was able to get me out with ease. From beginning to end, the whole thing took maybe 20 minutes. However, seeking help and solving a tangible problem was what I needed to wake me up before I got too lost in my head.

Nebraska National Forest(?!?)
The frequent pop-pop-pop of locals shooting pumpkins kept me alert.

I met Scott and Megan early in my freshman year of college. They were the leaders of Campus Crusade for Christ at Wash U. These days I don't talk a whole lot about my involvement with Crusade or church in general for that matter. My feelings about these various institutions are...complicated. A lot positive experiences and relationships are tangled up with a lot of negative.

Scott and Megan most definitely rank among the positive. Encouraging and honest, they welcomed this messy student and many others into their lives and into their homes. Their interest and hospitality laid the foundation for one of the best communities I've had in my life.

The next morning revealed that Scott had "lost his battle with mental health". I'd suspected this might be the case because the earlier messages had an all too familiar vagueness about them. Still, my stomach sank at the confirmation, and my first thought was "Damn. I was really hoping for an aneurysm..."

That day I had the distinct privilege of being in some unique and beautiful places. The strong winds and wildness of the high prairie were the perfect setting to grapple with the gamut of thoughts and emotions. I was sad and angry. I regretted not talking to him more recently. I was excited at the prospect of seeing old friends. I felt guilty for being excited.

Agate Fossil Beds National Monument
Strong gusts of wind blowing little wooly caterpillars off the path caused
hearty laughter and gave comic relief.

Scott's Bull National Monument
A good place for hollering.

In all this, I kept thinking about how Scott really loved brownies. He would get so excited when someone would bring a tray to a gathering. I distinctly remember one time when his face lit up as he declared, "Brownies are my love language!" He and I both agreed that corner pieces are the best pieces. I recall a couple of occasions when he graciously offered me first pick, however there would be a bit of competitive gleam in his eye as if daring me to pick the one he wanted. Brownies were serious business.

Part of me wishes I though of something more profound about the impact Scott had on my life. Chocolate baked goods were really a very small part of our interactions. However, as I think about it, silly stories like this speak volumes. He was someone I enjoyed and whose friendship meant a lot. The small stories show the substance of things.

There is a lot I could say about the visitation, funeral, and seeing everyone, but I will just summarize by saying it was all very good. And we all absolutely hated the reason.